Sex after divorce

Recently my sexless marriage of 10 years ended , and I just had sex for the first time in 4 years. I'm definitely not ready to date, but I do like the idea of meaningful and simple relationships.

I am not sure how I feel about sex after that long. I was definitely hungry for it. The experience was a little weird, like I was losing my reflexes here and there. It felt good to just let go. But it's also brought up a lot of feelings about my relationship which recently ended. Why didn't we have sex? Why was he so harsh, borderline cruel to deny me sex for half a decade?

It was meaningless sex, but not having it with the most special person in life felt more meaningless. I ask myself if I am being selfish to what we had.

I am wondering how it went for others who had sex for the first time, after a break up or divorce? Did it get better eventually? Were you able to take better care of yourself moving forward? Not sure what to think about jumping back to the dating scene, I've come to realize I am a very quiet person at sex. I still haven't been able to fully let go after being so wound up for so long.