Just went no contact with my mom

I honestly didn’t think I would ever be posting a message like this.

For context: I “left the church” in my 20s (40s now) and my mom stayed in. My dad and siblings left the church long ago or were never in it. My parents are divorced.

I had held on for so long to the idea that I could “save” her. I wanted so badly to bring her out of that insanity and be with her immediate family.

Everyone else in our family drifted away from her over the years without directly confronting her and I have been left, for the last several years at least, as the only person on this side of the family (my dads side) who has any connection with her.

I have been playing the “let’s agree to disagree” game with her for 20 years and it’s resulted in a flat, surface level relationship with someone I used to be close with.

Frankly, and I don’t wanna start anything, the world right now is not one I can “agree to disagree” about with someone and still have a relationship with them.

I don’t have people in my life who are okay with the kind of things she justifies with her faith. Full stop.

So I sent an email and told her some of what I think and told her never to contact me again unless she wants to hear everything I have to say. I begged her to call me. I pleaded with her to let me try to reach her. But I told her that at the end of the day I’m going to be asking her to change her fundamental beliefs and choose us over that.

I no longer think she can be changed just because I love her enough. And I’m tired of being hurt by her.

I don’t expect her to call me, honestly. I’m coming to grips with the fact that what I just emailed her may be the last thing I say to her. At least I said what I needed to and left the door open I guess.