Curb Specific Pretend Play?!

TLDR: how to curb a “pretend you’re dead” or “I killed you” game from your 4yo.

Context for that: daughter is 4.5. She’s in daycare (in home, licensed, up to 14 kids) and starting pre-k next month - gotta love those holiday birthdays. Normally she’s the oldest, but she has friends at daycare now at her age or a bit older because it’s summer. Here comes Timmy. He’s always been her bestie at daycare, even when he dropped to one day a week to go to pre-k. I only mention him specifically because he is who she named. Regardless, I don’t blame Timmy or his parents. Kids be kids. I’m just trying to raise a kind human - whatever that looks like.

That said, we don’t keeps guns in our home. We aren’t hunters. We respect them, know how to use them and have opted not to buy toy guns at all - no nerf guns, squirt guns, etc. I won’t speak for my partner, but for me, gun culture in the US can be toxic and I don’t want to minimize the seriousness of a firearm. We’ve talked death briefly in the actual context, but she hasn’t experienced loss so it’s been minimal. Admittedly, I am a cliché millennial who enjoys Dateline or a TC podcast every now and again, but not with her (maybe from in the womb?! Twas a pandemic). All that to say, exposure to related content isn’t really happening at home.

The last couple weeks, she’s made comments along the lines of “I killed you” or “pretend you’re dead” when playing. It’s been to us so we explained that’s not a fun game or kind language and redirect. Today she said it during PT (for her little sister) to the physical therapist. The talk was longer, probably because the reaction from her was bigger since there was more people. But in short: it isn’t kind, we don’t pretend to hurt people or be dead, and we don’t pretend to have guns. She said her friends do it, brought up Timmy doing it at daycare, and why can’t she. I ended up telling her something like “we can’t control what our friends do, but we choose to be kind and don’t play games that involve hurting people.” “If Timmy wants to play that game, you don’t have to play.” But what if she wants to play? What if she wants to play with Timmy, but he doesn’t want to play anything else?

Maybe that’s right, maybe it’s wrong, definitely probably overthinking it. I’m not convinced my way was the right way. I do think the message is important - we don’t want to hurt people and we don’t point guns at people. Teaching fake guns should mirror the way I’d teach a real one, right?!

So thoughts? Critiques? Steps forward?

Disclaimer: I’m not looking for a second amendment debate and this isn’t about politics.