My husband now believes he has a porn addiction after 5.5 years of being together and now admits to free live cams. I’m burnt out.

My husband and I have been together 5.5 years and married 1. I have known about him watching porn or screenshotting pictures of women (leaked OF or other media) since month one or two. I think porn and masturbating can be normal as long as it’s not pushing the boundaries of your partner. I really don’t give a fuck about PornHub. I just HATED finding screenshots of OnlyFans accounts. This cycle of him lying and me finding the screenshots has happened for years. The issue between us stems from the porn and the big feelings revolve around his constant lying, lack of integrity/accountability, and insecurity about my previous partners.

Two weeks before our wedding, I found photos. I didn’t check his phone often, but I woke up in the middle of the night, moved my hand, and felt his phone. I said it was God’s sign. At this point, all of our wedding was paid for and it was go through with it or waste thousands of dollars on nothing. I set the boundary that this behavior was not going to be a part of the marriage and needed to stop. I believed him.

Fast forward to five months post wedding. We were on a trip and I woke up to his phone in my hand again. I look, and I see screenshots of leaked OF accounts in his recently deleted. He said “he doesn’t use them” which means he doesn’t actively jerk off to them. I said he’s still “using them” as a sexual stimulant before moving to PornHub like a fucking appetizer. He doesn’t ask for photos of me anymore which already lowers my self-esteem.

June of this year, there was a situation when I was in his bag looking for headphones while waiting for him. He left his phone in the bag while he was gone. I open the AirPods and they connect to his phone. His phone was in the bottom of the bag and on airplane mode when I went to turn his Bluetooth off. We both had just gotten back from separate trips, so I had a bad feeling. I found photos in his recently deleted. I checked his entire phone to make sure there wasn’t more. After he came back, he told me he thinks he has an addiction and he only “did it once” while he was away.

Two weeks later, I go on his MacBook to verify I’m not crazy and there wasn’t more. I must’ve overlooked the detail on his phone. He had pictures from two different dates while he was on his work trip. He lied again. Flash forward one more week, I check again, I thought I saw something I had never seen before. I was correct and I found something with a third time stamp from while he was gone. He had lied twice about how many times he had looked up images on his work trip, and now I find out he screen recorded live sex cams. When I confronted him, he sat and continued to lie to me about it.

He doesn’t think they’re an issue and I think he’s in denial. He doesn’t think it’s cheating, but it is majorly overstepping a very clear boundary. I’m struggling because I want to believe he thinks he has an issue, but he hasn’t scheduled anything with therapy like he said he would in now 6 weeks. Again, I’ve tried being understanding but at the end of the day, I don’t trust him at all anymore. This is ruining our sex life because I worry if he had done it or what will happen if I turn him down. I don’t even cry when I find the photos.

Again, I’ve never cared about shit like PornHub until him. It’s the screenshotting and lying that just bothers me, and it has made me slowly lose faith in him and our relationship over the years. I’m lost on if this will ever get better and if this marriage can be saved. There are other issues in our marriage that are unrelated, but this is a huge one that affects how emotionally connected I allow myself to get.

What the fuck do I do?