I chose today to speak my peace and step away from a friend for a while

and even though we weren't necessarily super close, we did have a rapport, and it hurts. I'm not super into conflict, but I don't shy away from stepping up to the plate when necessary, and some things... well, some things you just can't take back.

I think in choosing myself over someone else's comfort I made the right decision. And I made it clear I don't dislike them as a person. But I do dislike... no... I can't abide by some of what was said to me, about me. I feel betrayed, and I think because of that I can't trust this person anymore, and I need more stability in an already very unstable life. So I decided to put my heart first, to rebuke my friend for how they hurt me, and to step away.

And then, I cried. I didn't expect that. Again, we're not super close, but this person was an important part of my daily life. We talked frequently, and worked together, and I feel very sad about letting that go. Sadder still, though, that they said the things they did, and that they resented me so much and blamed me for a situation that wasn't of my making.

It's natural - sometimes people just don't see eye to eye, and it's ok when values clash to pivot. Not everyone has to be everyone else's bestie. Not everyone even has to fully like everyone else. I still respect their dignity, their right to make their own choices in life, their skills and even their compassion. I just can't respect what was said to me, or what that means about how they view me as a person.

I'm going to be ok. I just didn't expect it to hurt quite so much. I didn't necessarily realize just how emotionally attached I was getting to some of the people I worked with. Not in a romantic way - just in an "I can count on you, and you can count on me" way. I haven't had a ton of that in my life, and it probably hits at my core self in a way that this person didn't choose to honor me in the way that I deserved. But it is healing, because I can choose to honor myself in that way, when others fail to.