I feel too aware of everything and it’s killing me

I am not miserable because i want to die. I am miserable because i want to live. So much. Too much. And i feel everything too deeply. I care too much. I am too aware. Of everything. Of myself. Of other people. Of the world around me and the fact that everything is meaningless. I want to live but i don’t know how. I don’t want to die. I am terrified of death. There is always this feeling that’s holding me back from doing the things i love and want to do. I just want my joy of life and obliviousness back. Is it possible to be happy while being too aware of everything? Also is it possible that i am depressed? I’ve never seen a therapist or anything and i don’t want to self diagnose.