Alcohol started to feel guilty. And i honestly do not know why. (m37)

It is damn strange. because
a) i had never had any problems regarding alcohol use
b) the last 5 years of my life were probably the driest of my life since i had turned 16.

and i honestly do not know why would that be. i was raised in a family that had absolutely no alcohol related issues and also absolutely non-judgemental towards the use of alcohol. every adult in my life enjoyed a glass of wine or beer every now and then, but i have never seen anyone failing their responsibilities because of it, engaging in debasing behaviour in the state of drunkedness, or driving under influence.

seriously, with a family like this all the anti-alcohol preaching felt like a sanctimonious rubbish. so i have entered the adulthood seeing no harm in drinking, but in excesses of drinking. in college i have found out that drinking is enjoyable up untill a certain threshold, learnt what the threshold is for me, and stuck to it ever since.

and then, until recently... something freaking changed. there were some negative changes in my life. First a breakup of a long term relationship, then the periods of unemployment, then drying of social life, which (from what i have heard) is typical for crossing from the young adulthood to the middle years. The stereotypical story is that would lead me to drink more.

NOPE. in fact, it made me drink less. I was warned, from the early age against using alcohol as a coping mechanism and drinking while struggling with problems. so, during the times of emotional crisis, i have just abstained, aware of what such use can lead to. less social life meant also less evenings out, so less use for a liquid social lubricant. and during the time of unemployment i was receiving help from my family, and expending that money on a drinking would just be wrong.

two months ago i have found a job. yay. broke free out of rotting and neeting. a serious yay. and on one day, about a week ago i decided to treat myself to a bottle of wine. you see, my work week is usually six days. and after a month i begun to feel tired. that kind of long-term tired, not the kind you feel after a tough shift. one day at a time did not feel like i was receiving any downtime. so, i had bought a bottle and enjoyed it over about 30 hours. it felt good. it felt like i was resting that day.

but it FUCKING FELT GUILTY. it never had. i have not done anything i had not done before in my life, and all that time it always felt innocent. i did not even get tipsy, let alone drunk. and this year it was... either the 4th or a 3rd instance of even dipping my lips in a drink.

and yet i feel guilty. why?