In the last month or so I have seen multiple self-identified “feminists” equate any acknowledgement of (or heaven forbid, criticism of) patriarchy with gender essentialism.

Gender essentialism means essentializing gendered traits - treating them as inborn, inherent, biological. For instance, “Men’s brains just aren’t built to handle tasks like cooking and daily cleaning” is gender essentialism. It locates the cause of social forces within the body and treats them as inherent and unchangeable. 

It does not mean generalizing about gender - “Men do not do their fair share of housework” is not gender essentialism. It is acknowledgement of a real phenomenon in which men statistically do way, way less housework than women regardless of employment status.

Do some men do their share, or more, of housework? Yes! There are always exceptions to broad patterns within society. But we’re generalizing, because to talk about societal issues it’s important to zoom out and look at a culture as a whole, not just individuals but the broad patterns of what is statistically common.

If you derail every conversation about patriarchy, and the statistically common behaviors of men as a class, with “not all men!” you are actively inhibiting feminist discussion.

Gender essentialism is bullshit. Gender is imposed on the body by social forces, a human being does not inherently have gender or gendered behaviors. Generalizing about gender and how it functions and is enforced, on the other hand, is absolutely essential for any kind of understanding of patriarchy.

Also, venting about a social class that oppresses you isn’t bioessentialist either. If I say “fuck straight people” – or even structure my life to limit exposure to homophobia, that’s not me thinking straight people are inherently (or all!) assholes, that’s me acknowledging that they have social power over me and I’m fucking tired of it being used against me.

A woman saying “I hate men” is not automatically some fucking gender essentialist idiot who thinks men are biologically wired to be misogynist. She might just be venting about an oppressor class and you’re a fucking asshole if you tell her it’s like, unprogressive of her to generalize.

Reverse oppression isn’t real and neither is misandry.