My (M28) wife (F28) is a perfectionist. I’m not. Life’s been difficult. Does this happen often?

I’ve been with my wife for about 3 years, 8 total when counting non-married years. We’ve always been different in that she tends to be the more organized person in the relationship.

She has consistent routines and elaborate calendars which she’s able to follow to the tee. She’s very successful in the corporate world and I have no doubt that she’ll stay in the top at her job because of these positive traits that she displays day-in and day-out.

I, as Brazilians would call me, am a walking metamorphosis. Change is my m.o. I feel very uncomfortable with the mundane predictability of routines and a perfectionist life, and being in control of everything.

We’ve always known this about each other, and have been able to live with it because there’s a lot of love in our relationship, but love can only take a relationship so far until differences become too resounding to avoid. We started to argue a lot once we had our first baby.

I’d say every quarter we have the same arguments on the same topics. It’s like a chronically broken record. She tells me I don’t do enough. I tell her she expects everything to be perfect. She tells me I defend myself a lot. I tell her she attacks me a lot. So on and so on…

On my end, I recognize that I’m not the most organized person, and I’m a consistently aloof spirit. I can’t help it. Might be the ADHD. Might be that I get bored easily about everything and anything. At this point I don’t know and honestly I don’t care. I’m too tired to care. I just want to live life as is, without arguing with anyone.

I brought up breaking up with my wife many times, and she always retracts from the arguments once I bring it up. I hate that it gets to this point, but I genuinely don’t know how to make her feel satisfied.

I try making adjustments, she complains about something else. Sometimes I understand her frustration, but for the most part I don’t.

We’re just don’t have the same characteristics, and I know myself enough to recognize that I can’t be the same way she is.

Anyways this is my rant. Would like to hear a different perspective. Happy to add context where necessary.