Poetry for my Avoidant ex

How could you invite me in after I tried to choose my own life again?

You told me that you'd work to change what prevented our relationship.

How could you make me feel safe and then rip away the caution tape?

You made me get so close to you then slip away in need for "space".

How could you craft a bed so warm, invite me in and let me fall asleep?

and while Im down you take the bed and leave me on the hard concrete.

How could you abandon me, In a time that I needed you most?

You think that you have "set me free" when you could've just stepped up to the post.

How could you just go away, with nothing to offer, and nothing to say- I will always be questioning...

If it wasn't today it would be at the altar, so Im glad you cut it short this time.

But there was once a time I tried to mind my business, but you told me it would be fine.

How could I have known? - I couldn't have.

What should I have done? - I shouldn't have

Where was this to go? - Nowhere

Where was all your love and care? - Nowhere.

You're a coward, afraid of love.

Afraid of the warm embrace of a woman's touch.

Afraid of opening up, afraid of trying and still not being enough.

Well guess what? Get in line, and join the club.

You'd rather deal with a womans' scorn, cause it means you get to avoid some more-

so you're safe and never have to really try,

cause if you did you'd have to look inside

and deal with yourself-

Hopefully heal yourself.

Inside you is a little boy

afraid to ask for help

because you knew help was never coming,

so you learned to rely on yourself.

But at what cost?

Countless broken hearts to mend,

countless tears at your expense,

countless hours spent lying in bed,

countless meals uneaten,

trying to process my heart in my head.

Sending me deeper into my depression.

But it's easy for you to stay out of it right?

its easy for you to get what you want and leave every time you don't see what you like.

its easy for you to dismiss and avoid so you can avoid the inevitable fight,

for our peace, for our love, for the thing that you'll want

when you start feeling lonely again and start missing me.

Im so glad you're not the father to my child

you'd leave the instant your kid and I thought we'd finally got something consistent

you'd probably leave for the feeling of freedom, and tear a family apart for the purpose of "breathing"

And Im SO glad that we're not together, because my REAL partner would be there when I need him, and never falter.

You wasted my love on your half-hearted phrases, when I gave you grace, understanding and genuine patience.

I thought that if I stayed through your phases and continued to give you unending praises Id love you into loving me back, without anymore emotional mazes.

You are cruel at worst, and selfish at best.

Ive seen you try for a while, but you gave up right before the revealing test- and you failed.

I don't mean to slander, Im just so hurt to my core, its okay though, you won't hear from me anymore.

I had a dream that I needed you, but you kept ignoring my texts. I almost followed you to the place you went just to face you in person again- and then I woke up-

and realized that its exactly what Im dealing with in my waking life, because you're the person that my heart wants, and exactly why my soul cries.

Ive had enough.