I told my trans boyfriend that i wish he were a real boy

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 7 months now, he is an atheist and I'm muslim, in Islam our relationship is Haram ( forbidden ) but still I couldn't stop loving him, I've been not praying for months and been away from god for a while now, so today I cried and was scared I would not wake up tomorrow and I would face god with what I'm doing and what gonna do in the future, so I told my boyfriend that I'm scared and I don't know what to do, I told him I love him but our relationship is wrong, then I fucked up and said "I wish you were a boy" so I won't have to suffer loving him. I said a bunch of things about me being scared of dying and going to hell, so he was trying to convince me that god dosent exist and and I should do what makes me happy, I told him to give up on the idea of me believing any of that, so after some time he told me he wanna think about all I said and he said that he's wondering if I even see him as a boy, I said "okay I'll wait" but reading our conversation again broke my heart bc I said bunch of nonsense so I know I hurt him a lot....it's been hours and he still didn't respond, I'm going to sleep now I hope he respond tomorrow and won't say he wanna break up, I cried so much today and I'm crying while typing all this. Remembering everything I said makes me wanna throw up. I feel horrible of what I did to him but I hope I'll find a good advice here, thank you.