Anxiety

Hey guys my name is Rene ( feels like I am in a therapy ) but I am 23 I am a healthcare and I am still alone I feel like helping elderly is my job what I love to do but when I am free sitting myself on a bench alone ( my dumb ass thinking someone will sit near me or ask me hey why you sitting alone? ) Watching all those movies and animation's kinda grew on me you know if I see a woman I tried to smile but they quickly look away I hate being single I really do but the thing is I had ex girlfriend but she wanted baby in her 20s and I rejected I didn't feel ready being a father... And now the chance are gone I went to a nightclub trying speak but one woman told me you're not my type second they look on me like I am creepy weirdo...

I feel like it's true I'll might die alone cause god knows god is watching me down I am like warrior kind, passionate, soft more and more, looking lonely my life? Is work? And home watching Tiktoks seeing ( for example couple like Brooke Monk ) and I know I'll never have something like that

I feel each day miserable more and more like I hate myself I just wish I wasn't born and such thoughts and yes I feel like Tinder Bumble, ain't working! Or even hinge I post picture where I look good but nah no match....