C section recovery depression?

I’m really struggling here, guys :(

I had an emergency “crash” c section five weeks ago. It was already a lot to deal with in terms of grieving the birth I wanted - I was under anaesthesia so I wasn’t present for my daughter’s birth. Feeling like a bad mum for not being able to be the first one to see her. Etc. Ouch.

Now I’m a few weeks down the track I’m realising that my mental aversion to anything to do with the c section/scar/etc isn’t going to get any better.

I can’t look at the scar, at all. I’ve tried twice and it ends with me in a total state of panic. I can’t touch it. I avoid mirrors. I cry often just thinking about it. I’ve got a bit of an overhang now and I sob daily about it. I feel like my body is ruined, like a butchered pig. I have no idea how I’ll ever be able to have sex again. Putting pants on frightens me in case I accidentally brush against the scar. I just hate hate hate it.

Is there any hope for me? How do you beautiful ladies cope with all these feelings?