I feel like I'm being bullied by my next, and I'm running out of strength

I’m struggling to deal with my nex’s behavior, which at this point can only be described as bullying. She’s constantly trying to weaponize the system against me — threatening me at every opportunity, despite the fact that I’ve been cooperative, respectful, and have followed through on every obligation.

During the marriage, she cheated. I found out after seeing a huge hickey on her boob — one I obviously didn’t put there. I’ll never forget the look on her face when she “accidentally” confessed. It was like she enjoyed seeing how much it hurt me. And yet, somehow she convinced me it was my fault. That I deserved the pain. And I believed her.

It didn’t stop there. Just months later, she told me she deserved to sleep with other men. Again, she twisted it around to be my fault — as if I had driven her to it. The gaslighting was so intense I almost accepted it. Thankfully, I had just started therapy at that point, and my therapist reminded me:

“You cannot control anyone else’s actions. You can only control your reactions and set your boundaries.”

So I told her: she could do whatever she wanted — but I wouldn’t stick around for it. She walked out. Told me it was over. Then came back a short time later acting like she was doing me a favor by staying. I wish I’d had the strength to walk away then, but I was so deeply in love that I stayed.

Fast forward — we’re now in the middle of a divorce. It’s not even finalized, and I’m already paying her a large amount of alimony. I’ve been fully compliant and consistent. But yesterday, I forgot one payment. Just one day late. And she immediately sent me a threatening email saying she would petition the court to garnish my wages.

No grace. No “hey, just a reminder.” Just threats.

I’m not made of stone. I’m broke. Scared. I can’t afford another round of legal fees. And I wasn’t refusing to pay — I’m just human and forgot. I’m not a robot with auto-pay set up. But she jumped at the chance to intimidate me again.

I feel like a weak kid getting bullied on the playground. I broke down crying at work yesterday — couldn’t hold it in. Thankfully I worked from home today and didn’t have to hear the awkward “You okay, bro?”

I’m just struggling. I feel so powerless. And honestly, I just needed to write this somewhere. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.