Feeling overwhelmed and stressed about reaching out for help

I’ve been dealing with bulimia for nearly half my life. Started when I was 13 and I’m 24 now. I’ve been in a constant daily struggle of constantly having food on my mind, spend all my money on food, purge that food, and mentally declining for the past 11ish years. The negative thoughts are overtaking me and eating/purging is the only way I feel better so I’m scared to even think about losing that part of me but I’m also so exhausted and want to live my life without food and weight constantly on my mind.

I have never told anyone or sought out help or have done any form of therapy before but my mental health, physical health, and dental issues are just getting worse every day and I recently decided to call my doctors office to speak to someone about getting help and was led to a treatment center that takes my insurance and was given a reference number to call them, so I did. But now I am feeling regret over reaching out and feeling like I don’t need/deserve help compared to others.

I am severely overweight/obese and I feel like a fraud that after 11 years, I still haven’t gotten small enough to need help like others do which is a negative way to think. I know. But I’m having all of these thoughts in my head about the therapists or care team judging me or making me feel even more disgusted with myself which I know would send me into a spiral. I’m just feeling lost and overwhelmed on whether I should just not continue to seek out help.