the nhs is somehow managing to fail me at every step and I feel like I'm going insane

I finally got my cmht assessment notes (and a photocopied adhd booklet) back today, 5 months after the assessment was done. after reading it 3 or 4 times I realised I’d missed 3 lines right at the end of the letter which said I’VE BEEN FUCKING DISCHARGED FROM THE CMHT??? I’VE HAD NOTHING. Literally the closest thing to treatment I’ve received from them was that fucking booklet on living with adhd, which feels pretty fucking insulting after I realised it was EVERYTHING they were giving me.

So now I’m back to square one again. 2 fucking years on that waiting list and they do literally nothing. can’t get talking therapy because I’m suicidal, self harm and have an eating disorder. ED services told me they wouldn’t take me because they claimed the CMHT was the “most appropriate service” to treat my EATING DISORDER. Then I call the CMHT asking for them to actually send my assessment notes like they were supposed to FIVE MONTHS AGO and a week later I get a letter telling me “From this letter, you will not be open to the Secondary Mental Health Service. Therefore, you will not be open to the Core Mental Health Team, and will be discharged back to the care of your G.P.”

genuinely unbelievable. Three fucking lines at the end of the letter is all the explanation I get for why they are leaving me with NOTHING. I'm still kinda in disbelief 12 hours after the realisation.