tw: sexual, sexual harassment, pushing boundaries, dark humor? 

mood: depressing, uncomfortable

all fake names, throwaway bc you never know 

Hi all, I’m Kei (24F). I played 1 game of valorant after a 3 month break and ended up attracting two annoying, disgusting eboys. If you don’t know what valorant is, it’s an fps online game often compared to Overwatch and CSGO; all games are hugely dependent on communicating with each other. Since it was my first game in 3 months, I was excited to talk to people in the community again. I was happy when 3 players, Payton, Brandon, and Kyle were being really nice to me (the bar is so low). I deleted everyone off my friends list a few months ago, so they were the first group of people I added on a fresh friends list and I ended up adding them on discord. 

Almost immediately I started getting weird messages from Brandon like "here\_\_\_\_ \_\_\_\_\_” telling me it was like saying, “here kitty kitty.” This wasn’t the first time he spoke like this with me since we met. He kept asking me questions like if I was awake (the classic you up text), if I missed him, if I was turned on etc. He kept flirting with me and even though I was already uncomfortable, I didn’t find it justifiable to block him yet. I tried to steer the conversation and asked if he watched anime because it’s better if an anime woman goes through this over me. He said no and I tried to joke with him and told him I could pick some inappropriate ones out for him, implying I knew how thirsty he was and that I was uncomfortable. He told me he was an ass man and said, “maybe I need to see your ass ya know as a warm up?” He proceeded to refer to something, “thick and veiny.” I tried to change the conversation from revealing personal details about myself, but he told me his name, where he lives, and offered to send a picture of himself all on his own. I then messaged Kyle, saying I was incredibly uncomfortable with what Brandon was saying to me. Kyle defended himself saying he didn’t really know Brandon, which I knew wasn’t really his fault. Kyle then told me Payton was getting messages from Brandon because he was pissed off at Kyle for “flirting” with me the whole time we played together. I was truly under the impression he was being nice to me and he agreed. Brandon barely spoke during our games, and this was literally the third day I knew all of them so it was insane this amount of drama was already happening. 

Just when I thought I was in the clear, Kyle started subtly flirting with me as well and his flirting was admittedly nicer, but just because I’m being nice does not mean I was welcoming it from him. I was sending him screenshots of what Brandon was saying to me and how uncomfortable I was, so I’m not sure why he decided to try to flirt with me as well. He complimented my personality and I thanked him sincerely because I said it was something I got bullied for in high school. I guess he thought that vulnerability from me was enough to make a joke that they were aroused after taking a nap. Bffr. I sent all of the messages to my friend Jay and asked them to be honest with me and tell me if I was overreacting for thinking this was weird and inappropriate. They took the time and energy to tell me that I was not overreacting and that I was not crazy. 

I was finally able to get them both to stop messaging me by brushing them off continuously, and debated blocking them at first. I had so much anxiety because this was the first time I played an online game in 3 months, and I felt like I did something wrong. This wasn’t the first weirdo I’ve encountered, but 3 days after knowing someone? I started convincing myself there was something wrong with me for attracting men like this. I started questioning if I deserved basic respect. I was so scared of upsetting strangers I knew for only three days that I let them treat me like garbage. Before I could change my mind, I blocked both of them. I immediately put my phone down and started to feel really guilty. I felt bad for blocking them because even though they made me uncomfortable, I was used to men making me uncomfortable all the time. This was just the first time I really stood up for myself. 

Before I could send myself into a spiral, I got a message from Jay. When I started feeling crazy, they reassured me that I deserved respect no matter my gender and I should be able to expect normal conversations. After reading their messages, I started to feel relieved. I hopped in a vc with Jay in our discord server and we immediately started talking about the situation. I was so tired and embarrassed to be treated like this when I tried my hardest to be nice. I asked Jay what was wrong with me, why did I attract people like this, why does this happen to me? Two of our other friends joined the call and Jay explained what was happening because I was still in too much disbelief to recall the story well enough. They started making fun of Brandon and Kyle and telling me real men don’t speak to women like that. I started laughing and genuinely started to thank them for validating me and my feelings. Everyone’s immediate acknowledgement made me so emotional I started sobbing. I felt so comforted and supported by my friends, I couldn’t stop crying. I waited for them to say something, but they stayed silent. I was so sad that all I wanted was real connections with people and I felt like I was getting disrespected over and over and over again.

It wasn’t just the disrespect, but it was the sheer audacity these men had. These are real people I interacted with over the course of only 3 days. They were so confident nothing would happen to them that they told me personal information about themselves without much trouble. My friends let me cry it out and waited for me to start talking more. As I started sharing how I felt insane and disgusted, my friend turned on their camera and showed me their cats to help me calm down. I started crying harder because of how cute their cats were. I have met my fair share of disrespectful men, but never have I ever been made this uncomfortable this quickly. I felt insane for wanting human decency and respect as a person, not just as a woman. I should be able to expect normal conversations and not have to worry about being sexually harassed over the internet. I shouldn’t feel scared or guilty for blocking people who feel the need to force themselves on me after I met them 3 days prior and gave them no indication I wanted that kind of attention. These are are grown ass men if this is how they act towards women over the internet, I can’t imagine how to do it in person. 

Although they told me information about themselves, I did not give them my name, where I’m from, or what I look like. I sent them a picture of myself from my snap story, but made sure to blur out my face and name. Kyle only knows my ethnicity which is fine. In my head I just kept thinking, “I do not want these people to know what I look like.” My instincts are the reason they got no information about me and I’m so glad I listened to them. 

Finally, I want to say I know not all men are like this. I was raised with a very loving, kind, and normal father. I’ve grown up watching him love my mom for over 30 years and I refuse to accept any other kind of treatment. I have brothers and male friends who don’t harass and disrespect women they’ve barely talked to/know. I know how I deserve to be treated and I’m so proud of myself for having basic standards for other human beings. I wanted to share this as an example of things women on the internet have to go through everyday (and worse). I did not want to just take this as a chance to shame all men. However, they truly can’t keep getting away with this! If you’ve read this far, thank you, trust yourself, and please stay safe. Lots of love - Kei <3

Extra details:

* i asked for Jay’s permission for their messages because they did such a good job reassuring me i really wanted to give them a shoutout. 
* when brandon told me his real name, hobbies, a description of what he looked like I was not kidding. It makes so much fucking sense.
* when i say i was sobbing I mean I was SOBBINNGGGGG!!!!! my friend actually broke the silence by saying, “I’m sorry, but every time Kei cries their pfp tweaks” MY AVI IS ANIMATED LMFAO I STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD
* the whole time i was crying i was also listening to bubble gum kpop :D i was listening to I’LL LIKE YOU by ILLIT 
* i talked about yaoi for like all 3 days i knew them lol 
* i sent brandon an edit of *The Summer Hikaru Died. i*f you like tragic BL i highly recommend it!!!
* i messaged my friend about this and said “pear of anguish!!!!” credits to @/shaiie\_foeva on tiktok i wouldn’t know that phrase without them!!!
* i spilled ice cream on my shirt and started to cry harder
* this is a “certified Kei situation”
* i do not blame payton at all. yhey only played a couple of games with them and did not know them on a personal level. they did absolutely nothing wrong
* one of the things kyle said that I think was flirting was "you have aura" ???? are we in middle school wtf
* i really wish i could post the screen shots if there's a way let me know! (w the named edited out of course)

aio for expecting normal conversation from men i knew for 3 days?