I am a fucking failure cleaning up after what was done to me

I’m 17, didn’t make it past 9th grade, hs dropout, can’t get enough hours at my job, I can’t drive, no friends my age wtf. Currently I am having chronic fatigue, nausea and randomly have entire days vomiting (I will also get hot and my skin gets red like I’m burning) dizzy and lightheaded even when I’m laying down, and so much pressure in my head like headache. I try to exercise and just knocked out for days with really bad aches. This has been going on for months but got really debilitating the last couple weeks. For past over a year I have been sleep deprived because of nightmares. And some of my dr want me to get sleep treatment. My psychiatrist is refusing to give me a refill of Ativan it’s stressing me out a ton. Idk if I can handle going to the hospital for a sleep study. before it’s recommended i did emdr, idk why I’m not anymore but I have asked so many times it’s just not priority in my treatment for some reason. My mother is a raging narcissist and causes me so much stress I live with her now but my attempt to move out failed because my dumbass couldn’t stop using edibles. Idk what next steps are for me besides kill myself eventually. Genuinely what do I even do? I’m behind I spent years stuck in abuse, got out last year and regained a lot of freedom but so sick to do anything productive. I feel stuck idk