Should I tell a girl her boyfriend flew me out and ghosted me?

Hi Reddit, I’m stuck on whether or not to message a girl I don’t know about something I found… or if that would just make me look bitter, crazy, or like I’m trying to start drama. I’m genuinely torn and could use some perspective.

Earlier this year I met a guy (let’s call him Jack) and we kept in casual contact, usually talking about trying to find another time to see each other, as our initial meeting was so pleasant but very short. He seemed very normal, smart, and respectful. A few weeks ago, he offered to fly me to NYC to visit him. He had previously paid me back a large amount he owed me from something else, so I trusted he would send the money after our visit. I ended up booking the flight myself (with his input on timing) and sent him the receipt with the understanding that he’d pay me back.

I stayed at his apartment for 3 night at the end of July.

While I was there: • He lost his phone, which I fully believe was real, I saw proof and he seemed genuinely stressed about it • We went out in public, and the vibe was friendly and easy. • He left me alone in his apartment for 8+ hours and was very open about it, didn’t seem like he was hiding me. • He kissed me goodbye, asked me to resend the flight cost, and even told me where he works (which seems like odd info to share with someone you plan to ghost).

But while I was there, a few things stood out: • I found two handwritten love notes in the apartment. One was from Valentine’s Day (before I met him), but the other was dated just days before I arrived — which made it clear she had been around the whole time. • I saw a milk carton labeled with her name and a recent date in the fridge (a bit intimate/domestic), and mail with her name came to the apartment while I was there. • At first, I thought maybe she was a roommate, a friend, or an ex — but then he said he was going to the gym, and I saw on his iPad that he’d actually gone to dinner with her. Honestly half okay on my end as I barely know him, but thinking about how shitty this is for her, with me at his home. • On top of that, I saw conversations with multiple other girls on dating apps and websites — he was clearly messaging a bunch of people while I was staying there and appearing very single. Again- I barely know him and have lots of friends in the city so took a chance on spending time with him and had an escape plan lol but felt very safe around him.

After I left, I sent the receipt he “love” reacted the image and then completely ghosted and never sent the money for the flight, even though we had agreed he would. My texts are saying delivered with no response. My first thought was his phone was stolen so maybe this is the issue but it has been a long time now, so I don’t think this is the reason at all.

At first, I thought it was just a casual thing that I lost nothing from trying out (before I knew he would not pay me, note I am a student and never would have spent that money on a flight, and before I realized there was a girl on the scene) But the combination of: • The dishonesty, • The fact that this girl is clearly still in the picture (if not the main relationship), • And how intimate and serious things seemed between them based on what I saw…

…it just feels off to stay silent.

I found her Instagram (from the mail — yes, I looked), and she posts stories of them on date nights, very couple-y. It really seems like she thinks they’re exclusive, or at least in a committed relationship. I’ve drafted messages to her, just to let her know what happened — not to cause drama, not to get the money back, not to insert myself. I live in Canada, won’t ever see him again, and I’m not emotionally invested anymore. But I would want to know if I were her.

Also, and maybe this is TMI, but we didn’t use protection, and if he’s being physically involved with as many girls as it appears he is, he could be exposing her to things she isn’t aware of. That’s a big part of why I feel conflicted staying silent.

That said… • What if they’re in an open relationship and I just look crazy, jealous, or bitter? • What if she already knows and doesn’t care? • Or am I overstepping by getting involved at all?

I don’t want to look like I’m trying to “expose” him because he didn’t like me enough. I’m just genuinely confused by the situation and feel like I got used and lied to - and maybe she is too.

Would you want to know? Or should I just move on and let her figure it out on her own?