I (19M) feel like my gf (19F) doesn’t care about my feelings

My gf grew up with some pretty shitty and controlling parents. The two guys she was with before me were also pretty shitty.

Long story short we meet while she was with her previous bf and I provided her emotional support during that time. Soon after that she broke up with her bf and we started dating. Her ex is in her friend group. Because she broke up with her ex she was blamed and kicked out of her friend group. She would get angry and cry about how shitty her friends are and how she needs new ones.

But once her friends started inviting her out again she went back and totally forgot everything that happened between them.

Recently she started talking about when she gets back to uni hanging out with her friends. This triggered kind of a depressive episode for me. I think about how they treated her and how depressed and angry/sad she got and how I didn’t want her to feel like that. It doesn’t help that her ex is in that friend group and the majority of her friend group is guys. And it’s not the fact that her friends are guys (maybe a bit, my ex cheated on me with someone who she claimed was “just a friend”), it’s the fact that she is so secretive it in letting me meet them (she doesn’t want me to meet them). She says it’s because we wouldn’t get along but she also says she gets along with only her friends because they understand her and have the same interest.

So what does that say about me?

And when I tell her all of this and say how uncomfortable I am about this whole situation, I end up being the one apologizing. She states that’s she’s afraid of being alone which is understandable but I am always here for her, when she is crying about her parents, her friends I am there, when she was in the hospital I was there, when she was sick I was there, when she doesn’t have money to pay for something I am there. I am always there for her. And she says it like I don’t want her to have friends saying “I don’t want my entire life to be you.” Which isn’t true at all, I like most of her friends because I’ve meet them and I’ve gotten to somewhat know them. (This conversation was over the phone because we are currently long distance). I said that sometimes it’s better to have no friends (+bf) than bad ones and start looking for new ones. (I made the dumbass analogy of drinking poison when you don’t have anything else to drink instead of looking for water) .

She says she understands how I feel but within a matter of hours she’ll forget it all happened. And it’s to the point where it starts to affect me. I get anxious and uncomfortable where there is nothing I can think about but that. I got called into the office at work to talk about my performance that day I talked to her because my manager knew something was off and it was affecting me.

And it happened again today (5 days after the last conversation) and that’s what brought me to this sub.

I love her a lot. More than I have ever loved anyone. And she says the same things, talks about getting married, having a family. But it’s stuff like this where I start to break.

One part of me says that I should do what’s best for myself and just say I can’t keep letting my mood, state of mind, and productivity brought down. But the other part of me says I’m a pos for making it “me or your friends.”

I see her in person in about a week and a half. Any advice helps. Thanks all.