I’m so discouraged, upset, and stressed out. My body is physically reacting to all of the recent stress (inability to sleep, inability to eat or have an appetite, have my period again after it just ended 7 days ago, feeling nauseous, terrible memory) and what do you do? You keep adding to it. You planned this trip to Florida with me, knowing it’s my tradition and has been for 5 years. What do you do? Wait until a month before the trip to ramp up your narcissistic bullshit, and take control, saying you’re no longer going and “we should call it quits.” After I’ve taken you back 100 fucking times??? The cheating, lies, gaslighting, manipulation, loss of self, ruined peace, physical abuse, trauma and pain I’ve never experienced, threats to kill me, being made to feel worthless, almost losing my career…but you can’t put in work ? Not even lift a finger ? I guess the new toy isn’t fun after you’ve broken it, no need to fix it, just drop it, make it feel worse about itself for you breaking, then go grab another toy!!! 

I hate myself so bad for breaking it off and being no contact for a month, just to believe your nasty lying bullshit and get suckered into…you ?. I feel like I won’t have peace again until you die, as if it’s the only way to truly be free from you. 

I’m just devastated, lost, embarrassed, disgusted, and hoping to have some self respect and choose me. I hate this so much. Being free from/of you will be the best thing of/in my life. 

Just talking into the void