I keep having dreams of my mom, but they’re terrible.

Pretty much the title. My mom passed away on June 12 of this year and it’s been devastating for me. She was an alcoholic and it eventually caught up with her. I’ve had several bad dreams of her, like catching her drinking or finding out that she was drinking, stuff about her kidneys, etc. She was such a lovely woman and such a wonderful mother despite this, we were so close and I miss her immensely.

Since her passing, I haven’t had one sweet or comforting dream of her. It’s really starting to wear on me. In this most recent dream, I called her and I found out she drove herself to a bar (she hasn’t driven in months before her passing) and I was just so upset and angry at her over the phone. I was just screaming, crying, wailing throughout the dream. Then at some point later in the dream, I repeatedly asked my husband (who is always a jerk in my dreams for some reason, nothing like real life) if my mom was dead or if I was crazy. He wouldn’t answer me. When I woke up I had tears down my face.

I guess I don’t know what my goal here is…maybe to just get it written out? I’m sorry if this is too sad for this sub. I just needed to get it out. I just want to have one of those comforting dreams I hear other people having of their loved ones, and it’s breaking me that the only dreams I’m having is of her worst moments. If anyone has had any similar experiences or even wants to put in their two cents on anything, it would be appreciated.