HCBM accusing me of child abuse to court

I cannot believe this. I feel in shock, and I am anxious.

Side note, I love my husband but he is an idiot.

The hearing is upcoming. I read her reasons for trying to modify the custody order.

I am laying all my cards out and I need some type of guidance at the minimum at least I can get this off my chest.

Her statements basically boil down to: The father hasn’t fulfilled financial obligations, lack of communication and is letting partner(me) physically hit the kids including striking them in the face.

I will admit there was an instance I did hit SS10. Although my action is inexcusable this was when I had barely became a SAHM while pregnant and one of my first times I had to watch 4 kids to myself(3 SKs and my bio). It’s not something I’m proud of but it was not a continuing issue. BM brought this up and I can’t remember what DH said. I had basically just pushed him a little but not to the extent that it left any marking, and it was the arm not his face.

I looked up what I could do to provide that they feel okay and safe with me which mentioned statements from those who’ve seen me interact with them and things the kids have done. Family friends, my family, and BMs family have seen many interactions with me and the kids. The kids have made drawings for me but the only ones I can find say “mom” not my actual name. Neither I or DH ever told the kids that I’m “mom” now. Sometimes it slips out, sometimes they feel that level of comfort to call me that, but usually it’s my name they call me by which I prefer.

We don’t have funds for legal help. We are now 2 payments behind on our mortgage. In order to try to help myself, and by extension DH I’m selling what I can including my vehicle. It is not MY responsibility to do anything for my husbands financial obligations but selling what I can could help him catch up on CS.

The lack of communication comes from times I had spoken to her instead of letting my husband handle it. In retrospect this might be the stupidest thing but of course I didn’t think it would come to this. I had done it because DH will say something in the heat of the moment which could’ve made an already tense situation worse. But this is something I have backed out of but when my husband possibly used talk to text she accused me of being the one communicating (since the grammar was good and my husband has his own voice when it comes to spelling lol). For this i recommended to my partner to mention moving their communication to a family app like Our Family Wizard and pay the fee for both him & her to use.

As for me though, the way the statement reads is yeah dad can’t pay, but his partner is awaiting every week to have them back to beat on them. IT IS NOT THE CASE. Obviously. I have even tried to avoid them because even though DH has been supportive of what I try to do with SKs they come every other time defiant because BM says I’m not their “real” anything so whatever i say can go in one ear and out the other so I’ve fallen back with any help i had offered.

I told my husband I am no longer comfortable watching them. This means he might have to miss work (something we can’t afford rn), but I told him I am not risking this getting worse especially having my bio and 2 ours babies.

I read also he can possibly request a court appointed person to speak with and for the kids, but of course there might be a substantial fee which I intend to provide if I can come up with the money. This IS NOT to make it easy on and for DH, at this point I’m trying to clear my name from being linked to ongoing child abuse.

I don’t know what to do. All of this is new to me.

Some months ago we reported a bruise BM left on SD. But there’s was times more should’ve been reported and or mentioned to BM but one time he’d spoken to her about concerns the kids came back saying they got in trouble for it. There was another time they said BM told them “not to tell their dad” about being hit. So although concerns have been there, sometimes it can’t be proven, and filing things could have further implicated the kids for speaking about what had happened.

It is also aggravating, for lack of better term, that the kids stories of course are exaggerated or messed up. During this past summer break SD9 said BM had pushed her for touching her belongings then later on said she was pushed but for another reason. About the most recent bruise SD said one thing, BM said another, and when law enforcement questioned her it was another.

BM makes some sense into her request but I don’t agree being part of it on false accusations and to the severity of it.

Due to our financial situation it could even be said it is not the best interest of the kids but we are doing what we can at the moment. I’ve been looking for work but to no avail. My husband feels strongly discouraged and considered her just get what she wants but backtracked and wants to at least try. I think she should have them more time at least temporarily until we come out of this financial hole we’re in. But even after this case is closed I really don’t feel comfortable being around SKs unsupervised and I think due to parenting weaknesses DH would actually be better off as EOWE

Theres more I’d like to add but I feel this is long enough to get the gist.

I’m not sure what I can do for myself and I’m trying to use resources available for some guidance.