How did you know you were ready?

Reading this back, it's a bit scattered. But I'm guessing some of you can relate.

How did you decide to risk it all and get out? I know there must be some folks here who had a marriage that only mildly sucked, but it was enough to want to leave.

I posted a lot of the details here a while back. Apparently couplestherapy is a dead sub except for people trying to sell an AI product.

Basically, I am married to a mostly good man, but I've been really unhappy in the relationship for a few years. I'm exhausted. I can't be everything to everyone. I have the strongest feeling that my life would be so much easier if I didn't have the pressure of having to please a partner.

It's at the point where if we didn't share a child and a mortgage, I think I would have broken up with him over a year ago.

Our first round of couples therapy (recent) ended up being mostly a book club for His Needs Her Needs. It's a useful framing device, but it doesn't actually change anything. Our therapist said that in marriage, you should be each other's greatest source of happiness. That strikes me as too big of an ask. Especially when lately I don't really see him as a source of happiness at all.

We'll probably try again with a new therapist. I think this guy only had that book in his toolbox. It felt so repetitive and draining, talking only of needs met/unmet and love busters. I was really burnt out on it by our 5th session.

I really think I need to do some solo counseling. But I worry that I'll get someone who just helps me talk myself more down the path that will lead to divorce.

My mom is 3x divorced and hasn't sought a relationship in probably 20 years now. For a long time I pitied her for that and wanted more for her, but now I wonder if she has actually just secretly cracked the code.

I have so much to lose. We live in a wonderful neighborhood that neither of us could afford alone. I don't want to ruin everything for all three of us.

I wish we could continue on as friends who are married. I don't hate him, I just hate being in a relationship. I feel like the institution of marriage is killing my sense of self.

...

Extra thoughts, added in anger: it's such bullshit that our physical attractiveness is such a huge part of the love equation for men. I have gained some weight since we married (20-30 pounds) because of lockdown habits, having a baby, and all the goddamn processed snacks he brings into the house. And I'm also supposed to dress and act sexy, when I absolutely do not feel sexy, or have any interest in being sexy? Fuck off. I know we can't change men, but it would be so nice if they valued us for the same reasons we value ourselves.