My boyfriend of 5 years says he wants a future with me, but he’s not excited about marriage and I don’t know what to do.

I (32F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (38M) for 5 years. We have a strong connection, we’ve been through a lot together. We’ve supported each other in pursuing our dreams, including my current journey toward a PhD in the U.S., which he has been incredibly encouraging about.

Right now, we’re in a long-distance relationship. He lives in the U.S., and I’m currently in another country. It hasn’t been easy, but we’ve managed to stay close despite the distance.

I do believe he loves me. We’ve talked about the future many times, having kids, building a life together, etc. But recently, I asked him directly: "When are we going to get serious about marriage?" His response was: "I don't know."

He also told me that he’s never been excited about the idea of marriage with anyone, not even me. But because we’ve been together for 5 years and he’s 38, he said something like, "Well, I’ll probably get married with you anyway."

That really hit me. I want to get married not just in general, but to someone who is genuinely excited to build a future with me. I don’t want to feel like I’m just part of a default life plan because of time and habit.

I told him (calmly) that if he truly has no intention of marrying me, I’ll need to stop making future plans that include him. He said he still wants to be with me, but his fear of marriage is holding him back.

Now I feel torn. On one hand, I love him deeply and can’t imagine life without him. But on the other hand, I don’t know if I can stay in a relationship where I’m the only one who’s excited about where we’re going.

Is it possible to make it work with someone who’s scared of marriage or am I setting myself up for more pain?

Any perspective is appreciated.

TL;DR: I (32F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (38M), who is loving and very supportive, especially about my PhD goals. But when I asked about marriage, he said he’s never been excited about it (with anyone), and only sees himself getting married because “it’s time.” I want to marry someone who actually wants that future with me.