Does Jesus have the solution for this?

Well, I'm a 23 years old guy and I've never been in a relationship. I've been an agnostic atheist throughout my life but I've always wished to find comfort and purpose through religion or something. I very much love women and their feminine energy. Though, I feel very bad about being incapable to have a relationship. It really makes me feel like I'm doing something very wrong with my life,

i.e. having the desire to be loved and to love women but being incapable of that. I don't think I'll ever be in a relationship. Sometimes, I can embrace this but often times I'm pretty melancholic and intense about it. It just makes me wish I were already dead and I don't have to keep feeling like this.

One of the things that really turned me away from religion is that I suck at studies. It's been a very long time since I even read a book from first page to last page. Religious books are too complicated to study and the more I read them, the more I just feel like there is no God and humans are desperately building some hope by believing in something like God.

Also, I cannot naturally believe in or feel any sort of God/ Godlike energy/ Spirits/ Souls. At best, I can just lie to myself to try to believe in God but that just miserably fails all the time.

I don't want to feel so melancholic about lacking love or relationship anymore. I want someone like Jesus to fill that void, even though I have a hard time believing in the existence of God and it goes against my very nature to be able to believe in God.