I should have prepared for the worst

18m, have been preparing for Neet( medical etrace test) for the past 4 yrs (2yrs of foundation and 11 th 12th). Was doing great in allen mocks. Consistently being the class topper. Well there was this guy (classmate) who was bit below average intially in 11 th improvement significantly and in 12th we both used to have neck to neck marks. I used to feel insecure and jealous about him ngl. We were friends initially but we progressively lost touch in the ave of competition. Throughout the final days of our prep we both were on the same range of marks

On the final exam day I did terrible, paper was tough and I couldn't handle my anxiety while on the other hand he did good. And by terrible I mean air 40k while he was around 2.5k air. I was heartbroken from the day after my exam because of my no so optimal performance and that too seeing my rival succed added more pain I have to be honest. I am insecure of him, watching his celebration stories break me apart everytime .The worst rank i had imagined 5k. luckily I do have reservation so worries about my addmission into a govt college 🤞🏻. I am not able to cope with my present

Even my parents seem uphappy but they don't say so

I had devoted a precious part of my life and in return I fail, I agree I had my mistakes during my prep but for the most part I was consistent.i have so much regret

Ik I must not compare myself, told that myself a million times. Yet i am not able to face it. Would love to hear some suggestions