D, why have you creeped back in?

I just wanted to let some things off my chest.

I think you are a wonderful person, I really do. There's nothing I'd want more than just sit down and let you waffle on. I love talking to you.

But I'm so awkward it's not even funny. I tried smiling at you the other day but I think I just looked constipated. It's better than before at least, when we'd just silently look at each other.

I just been working on myself, almost self imposed because of my surgery (we'll get back to that). Just been binning everything I own, giving it away, lost weight, worked on my hobbies, set healthy boundaries with friends. I think I am happier.

Last time I thought of you was just as they were counting down for my surgery. It was the scariest moment I had in my life. I was alone and I thought if I were to have one last thought I would want to be you. So I did.

I wish I knew why after all this time you came back into my life. I don't imagine you asked for it.

It’s getting really hard, but I’m still here. Just wish it didn’t feel so heavy.