Torn

My mother is a narcissist.

We have a complicated relationship. She had too many children too young, neglected us, lost custody of us all (4f, 3f, 1f)

Fast forward to when I was 16 having not seen her for 13yrs. My dad remarried and divorced to an equally horrific human being. She physically abused me growing up, I was beaten black and blue on the regular so at 16, I was curious and contacted my biological mother. All was well for a moment but then I started seeing red flags, when my sisters got involved (she went on to have a further 2 children, another girl & boy - again removed from her care), she used to play us against eachother, lie to us etc. So I went no contact for several years. My sisters were still in contact so I inevitably got dragged back into a relationship with her until she made my stillbirth about her and lied about having one herself at the foot of my hospital bed while I was in labour. I went no contact again.

Again fast forward to a few months before I was getting married. My dad expressed a wish for his family, including my mother to all get along. He's had cancer and I felt bad for him so I allowed contact again but at arms length. I fell unexpectedly pregnant while I was doing a degree and needed help in my house 2 days a week so I could just survive through my uni degree as a new mum who went back to work when my baby was 5months old. She was there, she stepped up which I really appreciated to be fair. I worked from home at the time so I could keep an eye on her and step in when needed. However when I did step in to create boundaries and rules about my child, she would meltdown but I needed her, I was buggered without the help even if it came with a cost.

My son is now 6 and he has a really good relationship with his nana. Nana also thinks me and her have a fantastic relationship because she is completely blind to her own behaviour but honestly I cant stand her.

My MIL had a nasty accident yesterday, like really nasty and I warned my mother on our way back to mine so she can look after my child while I worked that my husband might not be very talkative for this reason. She immediately said "You'd be the same if it were me" and I wanted to stop the car and take her back home. No words of sympathy for my MIL, nothing. Just her, thinking of herself.

While shes been here shes shown more narc behaviour and I think im at the end of my tether but I cant just go no contact because of the relationship she has with my son, he would be devastated.

I want to stop her looking after him but hes Audhd and he takes up a lot of my attention.

What do I do? 😭