I can't do this anymore

I could have written what I am going through but I can't. I am tired. I just want to kill myself. I don't know what stopping me. I want learn, gain knowledge but j am not getting any govt. /state uni and my toxic father is gonna kill me with a dumbell or brick. He won't let me be in a private uni. I really wanna learn new things. But maybe this is the end. Maybe in the next life. I am not even hopeful I just wanna die.