thinking about having sex with a guy again (F22)

I’ve been out as a lesbian since I was 15/16 and exclusively have dated women. However, I grew up in the south with very religious/conservative parents who did not approve and were very pushy about me going to church/dating guys etc. My parents set me up with the son of another family we went to church with, and at the time I just figured I’d go along with it until I could get out on my own.

I didn’t really think it would go beyond anything more than hanging out together and making it look like I was interested. Things were fine at first, he was super nice and we just did basic stuff like go to the movies and out to get food. I wasn’t going to tell the guy they set me up with that I was gay, but it turned out that his parents had told me about the situation. That’s when he started acting different towards me and becoming more pushy with making moves on me. One night at the movie theatre, he started kissing me and touching me, and he put my hand on his crotch. It was the first time I had ever felt a hard dick lol and I had no idea what to do. So he basically just took my hand and had me jerk him off, and I just remember feeling his cum on my hand and not knowing what to do with it.

After that he started getting even more bold with the touching, kissing, and making out. Eventually all of that lead to sex, where he took my virginity in his car. It obviously hurt a bit and was uncomfortable/awkward in the car, especially because I had asked him to stop and he just kept going. And every time we hung out after that he would have sex with me, even if I said i felt unsure or didn’t want to. But with time it started to get better, and once it didn’t hurt anymore i found myself enjoying it, and even having my first orgasms with him. He was making me feel so good at one point that during it I told him I wasn’t a lesbian anymore, and he told me that all I needed was to try it with a guy to feel normal again.

But him and his family ended up moving away, and that’s when I went back to dating girls (secretly). My parents thought I was straight, and I think I even thought so too see down even though I didn’t want to admit it.

Flag forward to a few weeks ago, and I’m drunk AF at a club with some friends. I currently have a gf who i’ve been dating for a few months now, but she didn’t come out with us that night. Long story short, I ended up making out with this guy I met at the club. We were dancing together and I could feel his bulge against me and it was turning me on. We ended up going to the bathrooms and making out there, and we were touching each other but ended up getting kicked out (lol whoopsyyy).

Anyway, that whole ordeal took me right back to high school and made me remember what it was like to have sex with a guy. It’s all I can think about lately, and I think Ive been pushing down this feeling for so long, not wanting to put my pride aside and admit that I actually like guys.