Parting words and prayer notes from when I aged out of Youth Group a few years ago. Interesting given my current situation.

So I'm pretty sure this church is completely anti-LGBTQ+. If not, there were no signs indicating support of it. There was a definite conservative crowd. It's a Vineyard church, which doesn't have a general pro-LGBTQ+ stance at all. A few years ago I realized I am transgender. I am a man, despite being female. Over the past few months I've realized that I'm not a Christian. I've always questioned things and Christianity never made sense to me. I am just a religious naturalist. I recently found the papers given to me when I aged out of Youth Group. Everyone prayed over me and wrote down important things that stuck out to them. Here are some of those words that they wrote for me, and my thoughts about that.

"Prophetic insights into people." Yeah, my dad has always said that about me. As a kid I'd constantly ask if he needs prayer when worried or sick. But it is funny how I can supposedly have prophetic insights yet it took me about 20 years of life to realize I am trans.

"God will use you in ways you may not expect." Well, I guess so since I failed out of the insanely hard OTA program and was basically told that I wouldn't be able to do OTA. I'm still figuring out what I want to do. Oh, and I didn't really know what trans was at the time, but now I do. I'm really into social justice work. I didn't feel like I was able to think my own thoughts back then, so I just agreed with my parents on big topics like social justice (they're conservative). I never thought I'd actually think for myself and realize what I know now.

"Shake things up, even in this time. Adapt to circumstances and shake things up. Embrace who she is in God." Boy were things shook up! I've since realized I'm a he, not a she. I'm glad I've realized I'm trans. I'm glad I've realized what I need medically. Someday I will medically transition, but I still live with my parents and can't find a job. I can't transition. Living with an emotionally immature dad is a living hell! I'm always anxious and having to watch my every move and word. Don't tell dad this, that, the other, those things, these things… the list goes on. I feel like I'm Indiana Jones with a boulder chasing me. Constant feelings of danger. I used to be happy, until I realized that I was bottling up my emotions and thoughts. I didn't allow myself to think for myself on big topics like religion, politics, social justice, etc. I stayed unaware to the reality of it all. I'm mostly over my fear of going to hell for thinking different than them/not being a Christian. Emphasis on MOSTLY.

"Apostle to the people society looks down upon. Amazing testimony brings others in. Heart of gold. Amazing calling." I thought I had an amazing calling. I thought I could be an OTA and work with neurodivergent kids. I thought I could help them realize that they're not alone. I was once a little kid with disabilities who needed not just occupational therapy, but physical and speech therapy as well. Yeah, I am always trying to support and advocate for/with the people society hates. Trans people, neurodivergent people, etc. I'm neurodivergent.

"Calls out the little things that have value." I agree. Everything has value. Every person, every animal, nature… I'm not a vegan or vegetarian, nor do I believe in animism. I'm not upset if a rock is kicked or one little tree is cut down from someone's yard. But I do as a whole support protecting the environment. Deforestation is a problem. Trash in the oceans is a problem. We only have one world. Let's make the best of it. Let's treat animals better. Do we need to kill that many? Do we need to house them that way? No.