Vaginismus, Virgins and Validation - OH MY!! I need advice on whether I can take Oestra, ladies!

So, I haven't started Oestra YET - but I plan to ASAP. It'll be my first time starting HRT. There's something giving me pause, however. The fact that I have vaginismus. In case you don't know, it's a condition where the vaginal muscles involuntarily contract, making penetration of any kind painful or impossible. I know that I will need to insert an applicator to apply the Oestra internally, and I've done enough research to know that this is definitely the way I want to take the HRT, versus pills, patches, creams, etc.

A little more information about me, for context. I'm 41 going on 42 next month and I have never treated my vaginismus. There hasn't been a great need to treat it before - until now - because I'm a virgin. I've been waiting to have sex until I'm married, and frankly, just always figured I'd begin therapy to treat it once I was engaged or near engagement, but that hasn't happened yet. Turns out, I've been "disabled" since my early 20's, by various things: radical scoliosis and spinal fusion surgeries, after which the initial, wildly severe pain NEVER went away and has practically ruined my life (whole other frustrating story! 😢), POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), severe Major Depressive Disorder/Anxiety/PTSD/ADHD and also adrenal insufficiency, which basically means my adrenal glands don't produce enough cortisol - the stress hormone - so my energy is shot and I'm mostly bedridden due to all of this. Those are the MAIN reasons for my dis-ability, if you will, and therefore, as you can imagine, I'm not exactly meeting too many "prospects" when I rarely leave the house. I'm truly hopeful this HRT is just what the doctor ordered, though, and will be a huge help in my long fight to reclaim my life.

Back to the vaginismus - not to be crude at all, but maybe someone can explain the... insertion process? Like, how far in do you have to insert the applicator? What's the best, or most comfortable, way to do it? Also, does anyone else have vaginismus and can speak to your experience in applying the Oestra?

A little more information, for context, if it helps: Yes, I've had PAP smears/pelvic exams before. That is how I discovered this was a problem. I had the first done by my GYN, which was unsuccessful because I was screaming bloody murder due to the pain, and a subsequent one by my PCP, which she frankly pressured me to do, and it ended in the same exact way. So, from then on, all pelvic exams have been performed under anesthesia, including in January. Btw, I also have endometriosis, which was finally confirmed under the same anesthetic procedure after years of assuming I had it, if that means anything in this regard.

Bottomline: I'm concerned the vaginismus will prevent me from being able to do this method of HRT, which I prefer by far. So, I've decided to pursue the at-home therapeutic approaches I've put off for so long by making use of vaginal dilators and a vibrating pelvic wand. I've ordered them (from Intimate Rose) and they were just delivered, so we'll see how that goes shortly. I'd love to hear any feedback on these therapies too! I want to think I'm just being dramatic about this whole thing and inserting the applicator won't be a big deal, but I also don't want to pay for the Oestra and then find out that I can't even use it. Ok, sorry for going on and on... I'll open up the discussion and I welcome ANY advice or comments you have to share. Thanks in advance for your help! :)