I've completely isolated myself

So during my last depressive episode I deleted my FB, blocked everyone's numbers, completely stopped answering everyone and have cut pretty much everyone out of my life. My plan was to leap from the bridge. I figured if I just disappeared no one would care or notice.

Came back to reality and oh yeah I'm afraid to die now so not jumping. But now I have no one and even when I'm not having a depressive episode I'm still lonely, mad at myself, and very frustrated that i can't even afford a real therapist and certainly not a psychiatrist. My doctor gave me antidepressants that made my brain feel like it was on fire and even those I couldn't afford to take every month unless I skipped house bills.

I hate this shit. I have a full time job and should be able to live a normal fucking life but I'm priced out of taking care of myself or being able to afford actual care.

Gonna go try not to lose my shit on anyone today in the office now. Have a great day.