Should I breakup with my boyfriend???

Long story but really need some actual advice & not just a men aren’t shit answer :)

small context: we are both 21 years old. we go to different colleges about 4 hours away from each other. met early 2023 but felt time never was right for us UNTIL one year ago (coming up on one year anniversary).

SO my boyfriend is what some would consider “a good one” (or so i thought). he’s very affectionate with his words, constantly reassured me, always told me how beautiful i was, did small gestures, made time for me in his busy schedule, opens doors for me… all the 9 yards… i would have NEVER guessed in a million years that he’d be unfaithful especially considered we were always on the phone or hanging out in person.

I also had ZERO red flags from him either (he never hid his phone when i was around, never seemed to have a wondering eye in person, i knew his phone passcode, again no signs). He was also aware that my previous relationship of 5 years (high school sweetheart) was very toxic, manipulated, unloyal (all the bad things) & was very verbal on how he was so lost on how my ex could do anything to lose me, and how he lost the best girl.

Now fast forward, i’m a girl and sometimes we simply just have that gut feeling that something is off. (ps. i DO NOT go through phones ever since my past relationship and didn’t plan on it in this one). So this feeling became so strong that i would just stay up all night going through his followers, seeing what he’s liked, etc. and i couldn’t figure out if it was just me carrying past trauma from my previous relationship or if something was actually off in this one. On my endless night searches i kept seeing this one girl pop up and him in her likes and comments (right before us making it official) but nothing since then. so i semi- let it go

Ultimately, i brought this “feeling” and this girl up to him and he did so good at understanding where i was coming from and how everyone has some trust issues, he validated me, told me the story behind the girl and i felt a tiny better. BUT again I STILL HAD THIS FEELING. I told myself if the opportunity arose, i would just go through his phone because what should he have to hide. Lo and behold, i came down for valentine’s day and got the opportunity handed to me. As he slept, i was shaking picking up his phone to go through it (again prob from past trauma) but i genuinely expecting to find nothing on it and be validated and shake this bad feeling off. Spoiler, that was far from the case.

I saw MONTHS of chats with girls, some saved chats from him calling them beautiful, some messages of him sending the location of the bar him and his friends were at one night, etc. The craziest part to me is that he NEVER cut some of these girls off, from the day of him asking me to be his girlfriend officially. Which i do not understand because why make something official with someone but have no intention to cut other ties off with females and were unsure if i was your person. Because what other logical reason does he have to not cut them off you know. (We were 6 months in at this point and felt i had been completely betrayed and as if every good thing he ever told me was an act)

Fast forward again to now (almost one year in the relationship) and i still can not seem to trust him. i do not think he would ever do it again, and he is very patient with me and my healing process, he still goes over the top and reasurres me just as he did before i found out. but i feel like that is the problem. It’s not like he was a red flag boyfriend before this and now he’s perfect. He was perfect before and perfect now, so my brain is connecting both and feeling like it’s still fake. I really don’t think he could be doing anything more though, he’s extremely considerate and goes in depth about any of my questions or concerns i have. however i find myself blaming him in every argument or resorting back to his unfaithful being the root of all our problems (which i know isn’t trust, all relationships have problems, even loyal ones) but i can not seem to just forgive him.

It’s also hard to leave though because one thing i search for in my partner is how they’d be as a father figure to my kids, and we are aligned in so much and i really see him being an amazing father to them. In today’s society it’s so hard to find a him. He genuinely does make me happy and feel special if it weren’t for this being on my mind 24/7.

Will i ever be able to get past this. Is it worth staying and just giving it time to heal and for him to show me through actions that he wants to be here? or has this damaged me even more? is the resentment something i can get past and if so HOW?

another note: we are both christian’s but have had a hard time centering our relationship around him. I have my own relationship with god and so does he but we seem to have trouble connecting together through him. and i feel like if we re-shift our relationship around him , it MIGHT get better. but im so unsure how to go about it. So if you have any experience in the religious aspect of relationships if be glad to take your advice as well.

THANK YOU!