DailyRoast Day 1

Your comment on this post must contain one of two things (or both).

1. A nomination to become the subject of a next post (you can only nominate yourself).
2. A roast of the subject of this post.

Please don't nominate yourself if you can't handle being roasted.

To the roasters: go all in! But keep the reddit TOS and the subreddit rules.

The subject of the first post is me!