I want to give up

I don’t want to try anymore. I want to kill myself and disappear forever. I’m tired of struggling to speak due to social anxiety. Im so sick of people treating me like worthless trash because of it. I hate that people treat me like I’m some sort of brainless dumbass who needs to be educated like I’m some sort of ignorant five year old. I’ll never get anywhere in life anyways so its not like I’d be missing out on “life” and no one would fucking care or miss me because no one gives a shit about me in the first place. I wonder if my 110mg of oxy and the rest of my ativan and prazosin would be enough to put me to sleep forever