Existencial crisis is worse than being suicidal

I'm barely 23, the 30th was my b-day, but I've been having an existencial crisis that keeps getting worse since June, i barely get 6 hours of sleep (not bad, except my usual is 8), I barely eat, the only thing that calms the crisis is being suicidal, I'm afraid of the future, if I kill myself i don't have to worry about it. The problem is that I'm afraid of death, but only at old age it seems. I'm afraid everyday that I try to not kill myself, I'm paralyzed, I can't live in the present, the only thing I can feel is suffering in two fonts, and feeling suicidal feels kinda better

I just wanna go to the floor of the pool, sit there, and wait to drown, idk if I'll do it, i'm afraid and the suffering doesn't stop, my brain is so wrong, and im so young, what the fuck i did to deserve this