I am killing myself after the concert

not much to say, I could say a whole lot but I don’t think anybody cares because no matter how hard I try to plead for help or make real connections with others, nobody cares. after I see my chemical romance next month in connect I am going to go home and kill myself. there is no future, the future is not mine. It is only pain and suffering day after day. next month will mark a year of a distinct moment I had a realization of how fucked up I really was and how suicidal I was. I have always felt so but september of last year was when I knew I would take my own life. I was thinking last december but bailed, and January went to the mental hospital. I was thinking November this year but september is okay. I don’t need a last halloween. halloween used to be my favorite. Halloween of 2023 was my favorite halloween, and one of my favorite memories. I miss my friends, and my heart hurts knowing i’m killing myself at 19 because some put up with more than me for years more before giving in but that’s the point, I am not as strong. I’ve never been strong. I cry and cry because i’m a sensitive adhd ridden idiot, good for nothing and born with no potential, no greater purpose. that is what it has always felt like anyways. I don’t care anymore, i don’t care if this makes sense im crying and im going to just sleep now. I cannot wait to die