I hate my life and I’m ready to die any day now…

No matter how hard I try my life will always be pointless and directionless, it always has been. I’m so tired of pretending to have someone or something to live for when I know deep down I have nothing special waiting for me….I’m not living the life I want and I’ve been trying for a while now to work towards the life I want but there’s always constant roadblocks in the way. My family life is a joke and I can’t afford to go to a good therapist at the moment, there’s nothing to live for…….genuinely.