I’m so sick of nightmares

At least 10 nightmares over the past couple years, all about sexual assault, all featuring my father and his wife (both of whom I haven’t seen in years). I don’t know what they mean. I don’t know why I have them.

I narrowly dodged being sexually assaulted several times as a kid. I’ve been harassed a few times too. However, I’ve never been actually touched or assaulted, I’ve just been made to feel threatened. These nightmares are way more intense than harassment. They are violent and scary and I wake up with this heaviness in my mind that clouds my brain for a few days.

That is to say, I had another dream last night and it’s sent me spiraling. I’m so sick of my dreams returning back to being assaulted and abused. I’ve never had these experiences (that I know of) but they’re so vivid. There’s no way they could be real but the feelings they bring up are disturbing enough to make me question some things.