i need to get over my insecurities.

it ruined my one and only relationship and im scared to have someone new, i hate my body so much. my ex boyfriend used to be so mad at me for not wanting to have sex with him or show him my body, he only saw my boobs, he looked like he liked them, but i knew he didnt. he liked boobs with tiny dot nipples which i dont have. i never wanted to show him my pussy cause its kinda fat and i was scared he wouldnt like it, after time he became really mean to me and even force me into stuff. I still love him and im sad i couldnt have my fun with him. Im also very shy about kissing cause my lips are always chapped so i never gave him a long kiss… i want him back but i cant

i wanted to kill myself multiple times because of how my body looks, i hate myself.