is it my fault?

i attempted my life around 1-2 months ago, and almost everyone i’ve known has told me that i’m selfish for trying to do it. my best friends and boyfriend left my not too long after i was released from the hospital from my attempt. my best friend told me she doesn’t want to worry about me because she has so much going on in her life, and that the last thing she needs to worry about is me. she told me her mental health has legitimately gotten worse because of me. my boyfriend (i guess ex now) told me that he should’ve left me the moment i tried ending it all. that he can’t keep picking me up from my depression, that i have to do it on my own. nearly everyone, my family, my friends, has told me that it was selfish of me to try and end it all without even considering what would happen to them and how it would effect them. i literally ruined my relationships with everyone i ever knew. no one is viewing me the same and yes i regret it. but how else can i tell them i just wanted to be free from pain? i don’t know. i feel like i actually ended my own actual life and now i’m living a lonely hollow version of what used to be me. i feel like i deserve this, because i was selfish. my ex told me that it was selfish that i couldn’t even think of staying for him. i don’t know what to think of myself anymore. my whole family told me that no one would date and stay with me if i were to be heavily depressed like this. dating or romantic. i don’t really know what i want to hear, but i just wonder if it really is selfish and if it really is all my fault and i deserve this? i don’t know anymore.