Angry because I need things and mother doesn't want to...

Since I was a kid, when there was no one near, a few specific days I tried to strip myself such that I made my own clothes look like a dress, which demonstrates about my desire to turn into a woman.

The thing got stronger 2015, as I was masturbating my interpreting myself as a woman using a dress or woman panty.

At the same time, there were emotional stuff in regards to liking other women and desiring one: but the truth is I never got a girlfriend and never kissed or whatsoever. And when I search for women, there is none or just ugly women that don't interest me in anyway. I tried going to the church mainly, normally as a 23yo man, but girls don't speak to me, no girl gets in my way.

That all said, I'm more than determined to change gender, to feel more satisfied with my body; get boobs which I can joy with, and a female fat redistribution.

The problem I'm facing, I'll explain. It's because I've no standard job that gets me money, but that doesn't mean I'm useless; I was investing time developing a React.js UI library, then got recently deep into .NET + Avalonia, studying it to migrate my efforts into something more efficient.

The truth is, my mother has money to help, but she's evangelic and is definitely stuck with the idea that it's a sin to become trans.

I'm mostly after commiting something crazy, cutting all my clothes again and show my *** to the entire church.

I know what hormones I need, but unfortunately I tried brazilian SUS (a public State service) and the psic. decided not to give me a paper I need to bring to the endocrinologist; she complicated everything: I had my blood exams ready for the endo.

So I can't rely on SUS. I simply feel like I'm too angry and just wanted the hormones (estrogel, progesterone and cyproterone acetate).

I'm so angry I'm about to commit something.