Absolute despair

I apologize in advance, as I wanna talk about sensitive topics, I hope this is not too triggering for you to read. Also, my sleep deprived ass may not even make any sense trying to explain these weird unprocessed thoughts, but I genuinely don't know where else I could vent. I'm 25, mtf, pre hrt and just came out a few months ago to friends and like, in general. I'm pretty sure many (or most) of you can relate if I start by saying dysphoria has hit me pretty hard for most of my life, most notably since I was a teenager starting to see what I was becoming I often just fall into a spiral of pure hatred towards the fact I was born as a male. This has been going on and on to this day, add to that the ever growing regret of not coming to terms with who I am years ago, the shame of not being brave enough to show the world my real self, etc. Few months ago (following pretty much my rock bottom moment) I finally started going to therapy with someone who actually has experience working with trans patients and gender dysphoria and whatnot. She's helped me a lot, my close friends have too, I really feel grateful for having these people in my life, but I genuinely don't think people fully understand the sheer pain of this existence when they haven't gone through the same. At times I talk about how horrible it is looking in the mirror and seeing someone who's not me, seeing a male. Of course there are things that help (makeup, skin care, shaving/waxing often, exercise, whatever), but those male proportions I don't want on my body, that fucking beard shadow, the absolute square brick that is my jaw, that huge fucking forehead with a cursed hairline even cis guys don't want, that ugly ass Muppet nose, everything I see really makes me want to cry, yet whenever I want someone to just listen to my pain, I always get the same response along the lines of "well, cis girls also have those kinds of insecurities" and I'm like, sure, I know, I feel for them, I wouldn't wish anyone to feel like this, but like... It's also not the same? I don't fucking know how it works, I just know I feel a persistent despair whenever I think about all these things I will never be able to change, all the things I will never be, all the things society will never accept me for. I'm also pretty much hopeless when I try to consider surgery, as I don't exactly live in the best country when it comes to LGBTQ+ friendliness and financial opportunities, sure it's not illegal to be trans or anything like that, and there's even a few organizations that provide care, but something like FFS is out of reach for 99% of people, I couldn't afford it even with 15 years worth of salary (I don't have a bad job, I earn a bit more than most people my age, even people with degrees). I know there are things I CAN change, and I know I have to focus on that, I'm already in the process of getting hrt through real doctors, I've pretty much socially transitioned already (apart from legal stuff). But like, no matter how much I rationalize it, how much I believe gender is more than the eye can see, how much I genuinely think someone's looks have nothing to do with their worth as a person or their validity as their gender, dysphoria is always gonna come beat me with a stick and leave me crying on the ground. And I guess I just wanna feel like someone understands me, because I very much know this will never stop hurting. Thanks a lot to whoever actually read my rambling with no clear direction lol.