Got diagnosed with ADHD as a adult, doc wanted me to try vyvanse. Got addicted and started abusing it for a few months.

Where do I begin?

For context I have a very addictive personality. Alcohol, weed, cocaine, porn, caffeine…. Anything that gives off dopamine, I’m in it.

I’ve been completely sober for 5 years up until now.

Long story short I was diagnosed with adhd at 30 years old. My doctor wanted me to try vyvanse. Started off at 10mg and I felt so good for the first couple hours of the day. I could focus, talk to people, stay on task at work and so on.

Notice how I said “for the first few hours”? Yeah, this is where things started getting bad. Once I started getting the crash I would want more. So I started taking double what I was surprised. My doctor was writing me 1 month prescriptions and we were meeting every 2 weeks to talk about the dosage. So we kept going up and I kept taking more and more.

Got up to 50mg, so then I was taking 2 of those in the morning and getting high as fucking moose balls. Then I’d crash hard and go into an almost depressive state in the afternoon.

I knew what I was doing but kept lying to myself, my girlfriend, my family and my doctor. I pissed 5 years of being completely sober down the drain.

Today is day 1 off them. I’m telling my doctor I don’t want any more of that garbage when I have a meeting with her tomorrow.

But my question now is, do I try “non stimulant” adhd meds or do I just go on as if I was never diagnosed with adhd in the first place?

I went ahead with the adhd assessment because I have bad trouble focusing and remembering things. Retaining information and so on.

But part of me thinks I either have ocd or some form of autism. I was diagnosed with depression and extreme anxiety around 4 years ago so I’m always anxious as fuvk and now I feel like there’s so much going on and I was falsely diagnosed.

Idk what I’m trying to get at here all I wanted to say was I’m not taking that fucking poison anymore.