it's hard not giving an f.

it's hard to do it when you already flaunt your new pretty thing, so soon na hindi man lang umabot ng ilang buwan ng pagmo-move on. just weeks, and suddenly, tapos na tayo.

akala ko breaking up would bring me peace. akala ko if i just focused on work and my career dreams, i'd finally be free. pero hindi e. i have never felt more caged, more betrayed by the idea that i’m so easy to replace.

haven't i done enough? para sayo, siguro hindi. because you're the type of person to suck the utter life out of someone. your dependency sickened and still sickens me. and that stings more than i want to admit. i don't like bringing out the bad talaga.

i never asked for forever. pero respeto naman sana. it's hard to let go kasi we have mutual friends i truly cherish, but if i could, i'd cut all ties. i'm not staying for you. i'm staying for others.

all those nights. all those favors. sobra na, di na kasya bilangin sa dalawang kamay

and yet, here i am, still affected by everything you do. i mute, i soft-block, i momentarily disappear, pero somehow you still slip through, still finding ways to bruise the quiet i'm trying so hard to keep.

but... maybe it really is me. because i'm trying to avoid a heavy, heavy sacrifice. or maybe it's not that, maybe i'm just so selfish? selfish in a way that i got tired of helping you work with yourself and started focusing on myself and my life. maybe... i just don't know talaga.

so for now, i stay silent. i do my own thing.

but really... how do you just stop giving an f??

burner post. will delete in a few days. tyia for listening. :)