Straight ppl treating queer/queers pocs like predators????

I would say I’m very much a baby gay in the way that Ive always known I was, but I havent had many Healthy experiences and have been scared to actually participate in my city’s scene because of already being kind of a late bloomer just in general. I dont really venture out by myself (very reclusive and autistic) and mostly hang out with my older brother, who’s a queer drag queen and his friends. I’m constantly getting slammed straight in the face with new dynamics when interacting with people, like it was STUPIDLY surprising to me that i could experience quite bad misogyny tinged racism while interacting in white male ran spaces. Because I’m so used to hanging out with older queer pocs that consider me a niece or little sister. I feel like I should also preface this with the fact that I’m 21 and 5’ on a good day because i think those are maybe 2 important details for later?????

Anyways, rambling. Last night was one of the nights where i was out with my brother, we went to this really popular like “homebase” gay bar with a couple of his friends. I wasnt really expecting to meet anyone because its normally all men or straight dolls because like, thats his community. Duh. But I ended up having this amazing connection with a fellow woc like an hour after we arrived. She was like one of two queer people in the group she was in, and the only woc. It was her straight friend’s birthday so they all brought their boyfriends and stuff. Shes a bit older than me and also decently taller, which again, i only say because of what happens later. We were chatting and dancing for most of the night very fun very cool. I met her friends and they seemed like nice at the time. I feel like mayyyyybe i caught a vibe from one of the guys but I was like very high and again, also very autistic so like it didnt register to me? Maybe I didnt, but like sitting here piecing things together, maybe he thought I was being rude and was miffed I was like, yknow, actually gay.

Anyways, it was like fine until she started whining on me. I’m very shy and maybe overly mindful of other people so I was trying to be really respectful. Like asking if she was okay and for permission when I was catching it. Also she initiated all of the kissing. Then I wander off for a bit and when I find her again she says we cant dance together because they feel like I’m objectifying her. I feel like in our cultures (im jamaican) we definitely were doing like maybe base level whining, its not that uncommon for people to like be slapping and tugging. Like even my straight friends will slap me HARD. But we were like slow dancing and I wouldnt even thinkkk about doing that to some random girl. So I’m mortified but like its okay, thats totally fine. We dance in the group and like idk bump hips?

Then I wander off a couple more times. Once when I I come back, the same guy friend tells me to chill and back off. Like “dudeeee, chill chill just leave her alone.” Like laughing at me when Im asking if hes seen her. Embarrassing but I do. Then after a bit she runs up to me and is asking where tf I went and saying she was looking everywhere for me???? I ask her if shes uncomfortable, if she wants me to leave her alone (which i dont know if was the wrong thing to say because it is awkward saying yes, fuck off), she says its just her friends birthday and they dont trust me, they dont play about her, theyre realllllllly upset and feel like im objectifying her. Girl, i mean, like thats fair. I hate when my friends are all over guys when its MY birthday. We dance again. I hold her jacket when she needs it and buy her drinks, which is insane because I hate even buying myself drinks. I offered btw, she like kept offering to pay, and i dont want it to seem like I was taken advantage of. Like I was the queen of manoeuvring free drinks when I cared to interact with men. Her friends dont let her come out w me for a smoke. Okay, thats fine. Its the same routine for like the rest of the night. Her friends not liking me, me double checking with her to make sure shes okay and also removing myself just in case I am misreading signals, her coming to find me to be like what the fuck girl. Then the night ends and we’re outside. I try to find her to say goodbye and as I approach with my friend I see theyve like hidden her and are ignoring me, but laughing?? Giggling like shit funny.

And I literally feel like crying (and lowk did), because I already live like very inside my body, i dont like talking to people because I’ve been bullied like all my life even now in my 20s and I just feel like no matter how hard I mask or learn how to interact with people, theres always something that makes people kind of cruel towards me? Ive been (VOLUNTARILY) celibate for a couple years because I felt like it was bordering on if not literal selfharm and uninterested in dating. Heres this girl who has the same career aspirations as me, we clicked so well and already speaking about meeting up another day. Which isnt really that deep because we’re both fucked and its at a club, bfr. But we still talked about it, and about needing to find queer community in the area we live in. And here are these straight people making me feel like the predatory lesbian ogre Ive tried so hard not to feel like all my life. Why are we at a gay bar if we don’t want to see people being gay??? Why are we shocked theres gay people at a gay bar BEING GAY???

Maybe this is my karma for when I was bisexual and would do the same to the creepy guys that would approach me and my friends. I hate to say it but maybe Ive gained some empathy for straight men. I kid I KID. But it definitely never gave ugly, inconsiderate or creepy. Like I think I’m fairly hot, i’m just autistic as fuck. And she was literally older and taller than me so it wasnt like I was a threatening presence. It really wasnt giving like oh shit lets protect our friend from this heaving sweaty mess who wont take a hint. I personally feel like i’m overly anxious and polite to a detriment. Like its rare I speak to cute girls because I genuinely feel so much guilt and embarrassment at the thought of bothering them. To the point where my gay older brothers and uncles will be like girl WHATTTT the fuck is wrong with you grow some balls. And I would never slate friends for being good friends and there obviously genuinely are creepy weirdos who wont take hints and need a konk over the head.

Anyways. I catch sight of her and I see one of her straight girl friends like grabbing her and giving her what looks like a very stern talking to. Like, shes like keeping her from being anywhere near the area I was in. Like side eyeing me and shit. Again, ive definitely given those talks. Then me and my group leave. I have like a 3 hour heart to heart with my brother and then when I wake up shes texted me multiple times. Just like, normal convo.

Sorryyyyyyyyyyy this is disgustingly long, but if youve read this far I guess my question to you is: is this something to expect from straight white people???? Like is this normal??? Treating queerpoc or even just queer ppl like they are disgusting predators? Have you had any experiences like this???

It really felt to me like white/straight saviour complexing so hard it devolved into bigotry/racism. Like it didnt give homophobia to me, or maybe how your common run of the mill homophobia. They seemed quite progressive, i mean, #womensrights with the objectification comments, so maybe it was unchecked homophobia hiding beneath our generations need to be woke and of the times.

I think I would understand a bit more where they were coming from if she was bisexual, but she was lesbian. Ive definitely had friends shoo away men before they even have the chance to open their mouth to me, sometimes because theyre toxic, sometimes because theyre genuinely trying to be good friends. But its so fucking weird to me that so many straight people treat gaybars like freakshows or exhibitions. I have to reiterate the above. Why are you here?

TLDDR; connected with woc lesbian, who came with an all white, all straight but one group, at a gaybar. Felt like I was being very respectful but they would get mad when I danced with her and accused me of objectifying her despite me being polite and asking for permission before I even breathed. And then they started laughing at and being rude to me and not letting her speak to me, even though she kept seeking me out and initiating. Then she texted me this morning, so I dont think I was misreading signals or being weird and pushy.