45 [M4F] #Boston, MA - Shouts and Murmurs

For fun, I wrote an F4M affair ad embodying the trends and themes of those I often see posted here. I think this example ad will work really well for you, if you’re a woman looking for a man. Feel free to use it. All I ask is: if this ad helps you land a quality AP, please send me a message describing all the depraved debauchery you get up to with your new guy.

Also, do you know anyone who can write great M4F affair ads? I could really use one. I’m only really great at thinking up F4M ones. Anyway, without further ado …

XX [F4M] #City #State - Pay very close attention!

Good evening. I am a woman.

I hope you are having a good day. If you are not, for God’s sake don’t tell me about it.

For many reasons that I can’t really go into but that I’m sure you completely understand, I really need an affair. But first we are going to need to get a few things straight.

You must read this ad very carefully to have any chance of success with me. If you do not follow my instructions to the letter, or if you foolishly send me a note when you do not meet all of my requirements, not only will I not reply, I will arrange to have you punished. And listen: we are talking a penitentiary or worse. Maybe I’ll even have you cast into one of the deeper circles in Dante’s inferno. Abandon all hope ye who enter here. Capiche?

I do not want to change my situation or yours. Of course, I do want you to be punished :)

You will need to be … Tall. And if you have to ask how tall you are not tall. Pretty good looking. Um, actually, a model, now that I think about it. Exactly five years older than I. A marathon runner. A CEO of a progressive company. IQ > 140.

About me: I am a woman

If by some chance you meet my basic requirements and wish to enter the sweepstakes for a chance at me, please send me a lengthy essay (none of this short “Hi, I like your ad, how are you doing today?” crap) describing a hardship you endured, how it negatively affected your character, and why you are nevertheless better than almost everyone else. In addition, please explain why I should even believe you. To show that you read this ad closely, and as a show of your verbal prowess, your essay must begin and end with the word dik-dik. (If the thought even crossed your mind of making that into a dirty pun, I’m sorry, you are disqualified.)

For the winner – that one special man who goes to hell and back to win my heart – your reward, after courting me for at least several months, after falling deeply in love with me (I’m very sweet, you know), will be the heaven of sexual intercourse. Unless you are a lover of pain and suffering. Because, well, that can be arranged :)