Just venting

I’m 66 f, my step daughter, J is 47 yo. I’ve know her since she was 5 yo. We’ve had a good relationship over the years. Let me say she is “her mother’s daughter “. She has a 9 yo son, R. As a baby R was isolated. He never had time with other babies. She didn’t let him crawl. She took him from the high chair to the pack n play. She ignored bad behavior. At age 2-4 yo he would run past and hit her and instead of disciplining him and correcting the behavior she called him names….a-hole, retarded. I would say something or cautiously give advice on occasions but anything I said was dismissed or I was told to mind my own business and he was her son. So I backed off. At 5-7 yo J made everything a battle. Didn’t give him choices or freedom. Now at 9 yo R has problems socially, gets in fights with all his friends. He runs the show at home. He has destroyed TVs by hitting them with baseball bats, he broke the door on his bedroom. J has always been a lazy mother. She doesn’t work outside the home. Many times I would talk to her at 10-11am and she would still be in bed. Her work from home husband ( who’s a saint) would make breakfast and manage R, get him off to school until she got up. The other day she was moaning about her son, and repeated said “ he’s not normal, he has problems, he’s RETARDED”! I was waiting for her to say that!! I have worked professionally with individuals with disabilities and I love that population! I feel that she has crossed the line. I don’t want to be around her anymore. There’s nothing I can do to fix the problem and can’t stand seeing her continue to destroy R’s life with her selfish,lazy narcissistic attitude. Because of issues in school he gets counseling, which is great. They have labeled him ODD, and autistic. I believe in R case it’s “Nature vs Nurture” I’ve told her if she doesn’t get him help at 9 what’s she gonna be at 19, when he’s bigger than her. I feel there’s been too many scenarios of similar situations that end badly. I know I’ll probably get some comments on this but she has been speaking that he is retarded and an a-hole into his life since the beginning that NOW she has what she created.